My talk is about strengthening families
"The family is ordained of God. It is the most important unit in time and in eternity.
We started as families in the premortal or pre earth life when we lived with God as spirits before we were born. " Handbook of Instructions
It is not by coincidence that the same organization, namely families, that existed before we came to earth is the same unit we are born into in this life. Even though families are sometimes not ideal or conventional it is the circumstances we were given so that we might gain the experiences we need to live by faith. Our father knows each of his children. He has chosen the time and place for us to learn the lessons we personally need to do the most good with our individual talents and personalities. I am so grateful that it is not by circumstance but by design that God teaches us through each others lives and our own experiences. Sometimes our experiences are not always ideal but I love this quote. God’s will is what we would choose if we knew all the facts.
We must keep the perspective that God is teaching us and refining us through all our trials. He has said that there is no witness until after the trial of your faith. And this is never more relevant than within the walls of our own home.
Our Heavenly Fathers plan is made possible through families.
The first commandment was to multiply and replenish the earth and remains in force. By divine design, both a man and a woman are essential for bringing up children and providing the best setting for rearing and nurturing children.
So a family should first begin with marriage.
Therefore shall a aman leave his bfather and his mother, and shall ccleave unto his dwife: and they shall be eone flesh.
"The nature of male and female spirits is such that they complete each other. Cleave means to be completely devoted and faithful to someone. Married couples cleave to God and to one another by serving and loving each other and by keeping covenants and complete fidelity. "
I would ask you to think about how well you are doing to cleave unto one another in your marriage. Elder Perry in a WWLT counseled to discuss with your spouse how much time you need to spend together to strengthen your marriage and to demonstrate your love for one another.
In the Handbook of instructions is states that married couples establish their marriage as the first priority in their lives They allow no other person or interest to have greater priority in their lives. Nonetheless they continue to love and support parents and siblings, while focusing on their own families. Wise parents realize that their family responsibilities continue throughout life in a spirit of love and encouragement.
So how do you manage with all of the other responsibilities of your lives that must be done to make marriage the first priority? John Rosemond a noted author and psychologist made his marriage first in his life. When he would get home he and his wife would ignore the kids for a half hour to talk, review the day they had and to connect. When we put god and the marriage first in our lives marriage partners can then draw strength from one another to handle all the other drama’s of life.
Couples must work together, pray and worship together, sacrifice together and teach their children together. They must be united so that the family can be united.
Married couples should never demean one another and should be reluctant to correct one another especially in front of the children. It is ok to work out differences but when we scold one another we show that we are ununified and it diminish’s the role of parent to the children.
Marriage partners should never be critical of a spouse to another person especially children. Sometimes I have heard about conversation where women get together and bash their husbands. I know that we are imperfect but there is nothing good that can come from saying something critical of another unless it is in the spirit of how to help that person. If your brother has ought against you then go be reconciled to him as the scripture say. That means go and talk to the person that has offended you not your friends and associates.
Married couples should spend time together each day and each week renewing their relationship. Friday night is typically date night. If you are not taking your spouse out, do so. Even if you are an old married couple I am sure you need the time to to have fun together, to laugh and to talk. My wife beamed at a simple date that I took her out on this summer. I took a blanket, went to a park and we played scrabble. It was simple and fun and created a wonderful memory.
We have a journal. We take turns writing love letters in the journal. When we write a love letter in it we hide in a place where the other will find it. It could be under a pillow, in sock draw. He hope that someday our children will have this as a treasure and remember how much we moved one another.
Elder Perry at a Bishops training stated that if every man opened the car door for his wife when she go into and out of the car and made sure that he was the last one in the car it would change the feeling of the marriage and of the stake. in Alma 37:6 it says by small and simple things are great things brought to pass and small means in many instances doth confound the wise. Your wife may be wise and confounded by your new found attempts to be kind to her.
Please make your marriage your number one priority. I promise that if you do your life will be happier, you will be able to deal with stress and trials more effectively and your children will learn from your example and be happy. So important is example.
I asked my children one day what they thought daddy loved more than anything in the world. Their answer was, “Mommy”.
Our Father in Heaven prepared a plan for his children.
As part of Heavenly Fathers plan he has instructed us to marry and to multiply and replenish the earth.
President Hinckley:
"We must work at our responsibility as parents as if everything in life counted on it, because in fact everything in life does count on it."
Elder Perry said "consider the spiritual needs of your children. How much time do you need to spend with each one of them to be close to them?" He also said that the most important instruction children will ever receive should come from parents.
Be cheerful, helpful and considerate of others. Many problems is the home are caused because families speak and act selfishly or unkindly. Concern yourself with the needs of your family members. Be a peacemaker. Involve your family as much as your can in your church service.
See every moment as a potential teaching opportunity with your children. When they quarrel take the time, be patient and help them to see how kindness and cooperation work. Share from the scripture examples of the things you are trying to teach. Avoid lecturing. Try to say it in as few words as possible.
Read to your children. Fathers and Mothers. Here is an entry from my journal.
Last night Chloe, Nathan and I read from some childrens books. The first was about the Prophet Joseph Smith and the second was about Abinadi. I was able to liken the scripture to these little ones I think in a powerful way. Nathan when we is reprimanded for something always says "your mean". I told him that King Noah and his preist were mad at Abinidi because abinidi was telling them what they should do. I told them it was like they were saying" your mean! and throw a big fit" I alsked him if he knew anyone like that. He said he didn't at first. Then I asked him if he knew of anyone in our family like that. He said yes. Then I joked with him and I said I think Nathan is like that huh? He shook his head yes.
I thought it had an impact.
Please have meaningful daily scripture study and prayer and your weekly family home evenings. This is an essential time that families need to teach children the gospel and to keep them close. These are the protections that our Father has told us to put up in these last days to protect us from the evil in the world.
One of my children will always state this during scripture reading or family home evening. “ I have a questions”. What a blessing to have a child who asks questions. Some of do not have as an inquisitive child and you may need to pull the questions out that you think they might ask and ask them. Gospel discussions will strengthen testimony and prepare our families against satan.
Guard your home from evil forces. They will try to enter your home through TV, radio, and internet. You must be wise and protect your family.
The proclamation on the family states:
WE WARN … that those who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.
David O Mckay said that no success can compensate for failure in the home.
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